Today on the excellent Marek vs. Wyshinski podcast they discussed the best Heels and Babyfaces in the NHL, there were some great mentions including Sean Avery, Brad Marchand, and Teemu Selanne. Honestly, I had considered that as a post for here, but now that they did that I would feel like more of a hack than I already do for posting that.
After thinking about the best heels and faces in the NHL, we can take it to the next obvious step, a full scale Wrestling Pay-Per-View Card featuring NHL Players in WWE Style (worked) matches. I hope this to be a recurring feature here on Blade Jobs of Steel, so here is the car (and the booking) for Face/Off.
Ryan Getzlaf/Cory Perry/Bobby Ryan vs. Rick Nash/Jeff Carter/James Wiznewski
Whoever Scores the Fall Gets Traded
We’ll start things out with a good six man tag to get the crowd pumped, featuring six men who shouldn’t find the bottom of the card a strange place. The RPG Line does have some established chemistry here, but don’t count out Wiznewski’s mean streak or Nash’s experience advantage. To sweeten the pot, we’ll add the stipulation that whoever gets the pinfall will be able to leave the sinking ship they are stuck on. It would certainly add some intrigue, especially if Getzlaf turns on Perry to steal the win.
Dustin Penner vs. Dustin Byfuglien
This match pretty much has to happen. I considered making this a Pancakes on a Pole Match, but I don’t want to watch either man try to climb.
Marc Savard vs. Matt Cooke
This has redemption story written all over it. Is Savard medically cleared to fight? Even more compelling, with Cooke now as a face, he would clearly be apologetic for his actions. Savard, being a Bruin, could go full heel, refusing to forgive him and seek out vengeance, needing an eye-for-an-eye from Cooke.
Phil Kessel (w/Brian Burke) vs. Taylor Hall (w/Kevin Lowe)
Since Anonymous General Manager Gary Bettman refused to allow Burke and Lowe to have this match, they could easily pick players to have the match on their behalf. Burke would obviously take the Wisconsin born superstar, and Lowe could take Hall as a taunting “You could have had him if you didn’t trade for Kessel” move. Since the Barnyard is one step above the Thunder Dome, this match would be full of interference from just about everyone. I would be interested in seeing how Penner would react to this match, but he would clearly be gassed after his own match.
Ilya Bryzgalov’s Interview Segment: Behind the Masks
After the huge over-booked match before, a good promo would fit here nicely. In the spirit of Piper’s Pit, the Highlight Reel, and Peep Show, we have our new wrestling talk show featuring everyone’s favourite rambling Russian, who will show us what he’s like behind the many masks that he wears. The guest is kind of inconsequential to me, because they would just distract us from Ilya dropping some Bryzgoledge on us.
Scott Gomez vs. Rick DiPietro vs. Roberto Loungo
vs. Vincent LeCavalier vs. Ville Leino vs. Ilya Kovalchuk
Money in the Bank Ladder Match – Winner Gets to Keep Their Ridiculous Contract
This match featuring six of the most untradeable players whose name doesn’t rhyme with Romas Raberle is sure to be heated. All of their contracts would be suspended high above the ring in a briefcase and a chaotic ladder match would take place where the winner gets to keep their own. All six of these guys want to be able to keep getting paid to not score, get injured, pump tires, play on the second line, or whiff in a shootout and are sure to fight tooth and nail to not have to take a pay cut.
Ryan Smyth vs. Cal Clutterbuck
Hair vs. Hair Match
The Mullet vs. The Moustache in a ultimate showdown for hockey hair. I think that Clutterbuck has the edge, but it’s hard to tell since the Minnesota statisticians would most certainly pad his win/loss record.
Jaromir Jagr vs. Artem Anisimov
The Russian Rifleman goes to take on the Sultan of Saluting. This should be a fun match with both men stealing each others taunts to get the crowd going. I could see this being a fun long feud to really help the younger Anisimov make a name for himself against the veteran. Mike Rupp and Scott Hartnell would be great to add as guest commentators.
Teemu Selanne vs. Niklas Lidstrom vs. Tim Thomas
All three of these men have found the fountain of youth and continue to be excellent in their more venerable years. If they have a Triple Threat Match it’s sure to be an outright classic since all men can still go, but not for much longer. The man who takes the pinfall here would have to give in to Father Time and begin to play like their own age.
The Sedin Twins vs. The Bru-Tang Clan (Patrice Bergeron and Brad Marchand)
The Boston Bruins and Vancouver Canucks are the Lumberjacks
This is obviously a battle in the larger war of these two mega-stables looking to take over. Daniel and Henrik look to get revenge on the man that punched one of them a dozen times in the Stanley Cup Finals, and the two that scored the four goals to send their city ablaze. The ring will be surrounded by members of both teams, so it’s sure to get ugly. I think that whichever team you consider the heels should get the win here to really extend the feud.
Sidney Crosby vs. Alexander Ovechkin
The battle for the best in the world between two men who clearly have the talent but are falling under some hard times of late. Both men are looking for redemption against their arch rivals. Crosby has the advantage (World Juniors, 2009 Playoffs, and 2010 Olympics), will this streak continue?
…and that’s the show! Tune in later for another edition of Face/Off and we’ll see where things go from here.